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Tune Up!

Picking up the phone and admitting to a stranger that you need help with your relationship may be uncomfortable. At the time, you may think that booking your first consultation may be the hardest thing you'll ever do. Yet, you'd be surprised just how many people seek marriage counselling.

Both men and women are realising how important it is to seek assistance in getting a relationship 'back on track'. I have never met a married couple who have regretted making that first call to begin putting the pieces of their relationship back together.

A male client of mine who was at first apprehensive about attending a session told me, that in the end his marriage was the most important thing to him. He told me that he thought nothing of taking his car for regular services and taking it to a mechanic if anything went wrong. He said that he would never wait until the 'wheels fell off' before caring for his car.

He said that marriage counselling was a bit like a car service. Even if he thought there wasn't very much wrong with his relationship with his wife, he was happy to have a session with a counsellor to make sure that things were running smoothly.

My client was right, you can't wait for the 'wheels to fall off' before seeking assistance for your marriage. If you are even thinking that you may need to seek counselling, then it usually means that you need to. Picking up the phone to book a consultation may seem difficult at the time, but in the long term, it may be the call that may repair your marriage or enhance the relationship you have.

Recreate your first date

If you feel as if you and your spouse have lost some chemistry, or you need to reconnect with one another again, there is a simple way to put the romance back into your marriage. Relight the original spark by recreating those initial feelings you had for one another when you first went out as a couple. Through the years of marriage your love for one another deepens. However, there are times when those excited heart beats when your lover walks into the room seem like a feeling forever lost in the past. You can capture those magical emotions by becoming infatuated with your spouse all over again. Recreate your first date!

Go back in time to those days when you wanted to make an effort to impress your spouse. If you went out to dinner for the first date, try to go back to the same restaurant. Reminisce about the fun times you had in the beginning of your relationship. Laugh about the awkward moments as you went through the process of getting to know one another. Tell one another what you were really thinking as you held hands for the first time, or shared your very first kiss.

It's very important in every relationship that couples take the time to find ways to keep the romance alive. Everybody craves the attention from the one they love the most. Going out on 'dates' ensures that couples feel desired by their partners as they did in the beginning of their love affairs.

'I Love You'

I was waiting behind a car at the traffic lights one day when a bumper sticker caught my eye. It posed a very important question. " Have you hugged your kids today?" The very thought of me going throughout the day without giving my own children a hug filled me with dread. I make an effort to send them off to school with a reassuring cuddle. Yet as I was thinking about the importance of making sure children know that they are loved and cherished by their parents I was struck by the idea that there needs to be more bumper stickers, for couples.

Throughout my time as a marriage counsellor it has always perplexed me that two people who claim to love one another, seldom tell their spouse how they feel. I wonder how many spouses begin their days without touching, or reassuring one another of their love? Just because married couples are adults doesn't mean that they don't benefit from being told that they are loved.

Think about the last time you rang your spouse, not to ask him/her to pick up some milk after work, or check if they paid a bill, but just to say three very beautiful words, "I Love You". When was the last time you whispered those three words in your spouse's ear when out shopping, or with friends?

It doesn't matter if you have been married one year, or forty years, hearing those words spoken is magical. I'd like to sit behind a car at the traffic lights and read a bumper sticker that said "Have you told your spouse you love them today?"

"Fine then, I want a divorce!"

The biggest mistake that married couples can make when arguing or dealing with a conflict is to throw in the 'D' word - Divorce. Saying that you want a divorce in the heat of an argument should be avoided at all costs. The message that you are sending your partner is that you no longer wish to make an effort to resolve the issues and you would rather 'give up' on the marriage than to work things out. Using the word 'divorce' as a threat or a weapon when in your heart you really don't want one severely undervalues your relationship and you and your partner's ability to overcome the problems you may be experiencing in a civilised manner.

Divorce should never be treated lightly, nor should it be used as an ultimatum for one partner to have his/her own way. Sometimes people say that they want a divorce because they want the disagreements and unhappiness to end and are unable to work a way out of their current situation. This is when marriage counselling is crucial. Just talking with someone can diffuse a issue and open the lines of communication once again. Couples should seek assistance before a crisis point if they feel as if they cannot resolve issues on their own.

Send an E-Card

If you are looking for a fun and inexpensive way to express your love for your spouse, say 'sorry', or 'thank you' then consider sending them a fun message via email. This is a good idea if you or your spouse have gone away on business or you just want to surprise them. You are even able to personalise your message. My favourite website for this is Hallmark. Click on the following link to send one today!

Surprise my spouse now!

Date Night

In the rush and stress of daily life it is easy for couples to lose connection with one another. Kids, work, social and family obligations often take precedent, leaving very little time for married couples to spend quality time together. It is important that couples make time for one another. It may be a dinner out, a movie in, or just some quite time together after the children have gone to bed. Give one another a massage, fill up the bath and enjoy a bubble bath together. It doesn't matter what couples do, just so long as they are alone. If life is hectic couples may need to plan their date ahead, even mark it in their diaries or calendar if need be.

Couples need to remember that the reason they decided to marry was so that they could spend their time together. It is their relationship which binds the marriage together. The children, their lifestyle, all depend on how well spouses relate to one another. Quality time together needs to be first priority. When couples spend a few hours a week focusing on their relationship, and attending to their needs, the better their marriage and the easier it is for them to resolve issues when they do arise.